When Life Throws You A Curve – Part 1

I have been struggling with whether or not to write about this for YEARS now.  I feel an urgency to share some of my story but have wanted to make sure that sense of urgency I was feeling was driven by the Holy Spirit and not some sort of self-gratification.

I am going to begin writing some thoughts on this subject but I’m not sure if, or when, I will ever post this. It’s a deeply personal subject and I’m a somewhat private person. I know that may surprise some of you as I’m very interactive on social media but, if you notice, I don’t share deeply personal information on there.

I have written about this subject many times – mostly personal journaling – but it has, in the past, been a very painful subject for me to write about – not because I haven’t experienced God’s love, grace and mercy. Not because He hasn’t brought healing and restoration in my life but just because I’m human and when I write about this subject it dredges up some very painful memories.

I grew up a Preacher’s Kid  – the only life I ever knew until I was 20 years old. Grew up in a very loving and supportive family.  I was instructed and nurtured in the admonition of the Lord.  I had the privilege of attending a Christian school.  I was very involved in service in my youth group and church.  HOW IN THE WORLD, then, did I manage to make some of the decisions I made?

I married young – age 20 to be exact! We didn’t date very long before getting engaged.  I married with the same dream and expectations that most young Christian girls have  – fairy tale, prince charming type expectations.  I knew I wanted to be a wife, homemaker and mother and I was all of those things. Perfect ?- not hardly…but faithful? Absolutely!!!

Fast forward ten years later and SUDDENLY and VERY UNEXPECTEDLY I found myself going through a divorce and learning to parent on my own.  I never wanted this for my life. Who does?? I never suspected a THING – didn’t see it coming and apparently was the last to know. Sure, we had our problems but, if you had asked me back then, I would have told you our marriage was the best it had ever been. I can’t tell you the life-consuming feelings of rejection that overtake you when you suddenly realize that your life’s mate is CHOOSING to walk away and start over! It was devastating and it seemed my life existed in slow motion for WEEKS and MONTHS after the initial shock.

Overnight, after being a stay-at-home mom for several years, I was faced with the frightening prospect of being the primary breadwinner for myself and children. I had no skills to speak of – except that I had taken some secretarial and office courses in high school. I was terrified but had no choice but to press forward – I had two precious children ages 8 and 5 that were counting on me. I couldn’t wallow – it was about survival at that point.

That was almost 20 years ago now.  What a journey I’ve been on since!!

As I prayerfully write the next few blogs please understand that I will not discuss my children’s feelings and experiences. They have a good relationship with their dad and it is not my intention to presume to express what they felt or how they are doing now. They are adults and can share their experiences and feelings if they so choose. It is not my desire to hurt my ex-husband or his family in any way.  It is, however, my desire to give hope to the hurting.

You cannot walk through a life changing event such as the unexpected ending of an 11 year marital union without it affecting how you see yourself, your other relationships, and most importantly how you see God.  I will write about the grief/anger/frustration/despair/healing/ and restoration that this divorce brought into my life.This single event did more to affect how I view God and who I KNOW Him to be than any other event in my life.  It helped me to understand His most endearing attributes and come to truly know Him as Jehovah Jireh!

Please pray, as I write these next posts, that the Holy Spirit would guide what I am to share. It is not my desire to “air my dirty laundry” as some sort of therapy – time and God’s faithfulness have been my therapy.  It is only my desire to proclaim to the hurting that God can take the broken pieces of your situation and put those pieces back together with the expertise that only the Master of the Universe possesses.  I truly believe that, at this point, I would be walking in disobedience if I didn’t share what God has done in my life in the past 20 years since August 22, 1994.

If you know of someone who is grief-stricken, walking through divorce or just plain in dire need of encouragement please share this blog…

8 Responses

  1. Phyllis Amis Randall
    Phyllis Amis Randall - October 7, 2013 at 8:57 pm - - Reply

    Precious Kim, I have never been where you were except through my son who had a somewhat similar experience (no kids, praise God), but there are many whose lives are devastated by divorce. They need to be encouraged by your words. All of them will not find “Mr Perfect For Me” the second time, but if they are whole they will find peace and contentment without him. Thank you for sharing the Godly way to survive divorce….and still be able to be civil with the father of your children. I am praying fro you as you open your heart to your readers. Love to you.

  2. Sandy Simmons
    Sandy Simmons - October 7, 2013 at 9:06 pm - - Reply

    I admire you for your ability to write and your courage. We lost our daughter in 1994. It was devastating to say the least and finding a support group was next to impossible. I finally found one but upon visiting I found out it was to be disbanded the next week. I started searching for people who were going through, or had been through, what I was facing. God was faithful through it all but for awhile I was angry at him. I was angry but I also knew He was the only one who could truly see me through this tremendous loss. Said all that to say this…thank you Kim for trying to encourage someone else who is going through, or has been through, what you have. May God truly bless and lead you in this blog as you minister to others. I don’t know you but I love you in The Lord!!! :0)

  3. Carol
    Carol - October 7, 2013 at 10:46 pm - - Reply

    So far, u are telling my life story to a T. My husband walked out on me & our 2 children after an 11 yr marriage. I suspected nothing, & like u said…I was the last one to know. It took a part of me, I believe. I was devastated to say the least. But, I too went to work, after being a stay ay home mom, supported us (as the thought he didn’t have to pay child support since he WAS now supporting another woman & her two children. Both my Children are now grown with their own families, one a respiratory therapist,the other a paramedic. Loving, kind hearted, wonderful adults.
    I look forward to reading the rest of your story, being as it sounds like it could me ME writing it.

  4. Carol
    Carol - October 7, 2013 at 10:49 pm - - Reply

    Btw…my Dad was a baptist minister all my life too. I forgot to mention that similarity.

  5. Mary
    Mary - October 8, 2013 at 1:28 am - - Reply

    I have walked that long valley after 21 years of marriage. Your parents walked with me. God has brought me so far in the past 28 years, giving me a godly husband of 18 years and the past 7 years working in the DivorceCare ministry. We have ministered to over 100 people offering help, hope and healing through a relationship with God. I have also been able to forgive and have family get togethers. Only God could make that possible. Jeremiah 29:11

  6. Terry
    Terry - October 8, 2013 at 2:03 am - - Reply

    Isn’t God amazing! We all have those places we don’t want to revisit but thank you for sharing from your heart. Through God’s love and amazing grace you have risen from the ashes and have been given a story to share. We never know when our journey will help another on this path of life. Blessings, peace and continued joy to you and your family Kim. <3

  7. Joyce
    Joyce - October 8, 2013 at 2:29 am - - Reply

    Kim, I know that this has taken a lot of courage to do this and for that, I admire you very much. I personally have not gone through what you have gone through, but, I’ve watched two of my sons go through, not one divorce, but, 2 of them. My husband has been in the ministry for over 30 years, my kids went through Christian schools, and on and on. In both cases, my son’s wives choose to leave them for someone else. ..I know how heartbroken I’ve been for them…can’t imagine what you felt like. Thank you for doing this, I know it will help me and more people than you realize.

  8. Heidi
    Heidi - October 8, 2013 at 1:59 pm - - Reply

    Yes, to an extent you are telling my story, too. What Phyllis has said above so resonates with me. I am looking forward to hearing your story. No Christian committed to the Lord and to Scripture thinks this will happen to them. I surely didn’t. But these travesties don’t distress our Father, who is King of the Universe. Praying for you as you continue obeying our Lord’s request of you.

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